ORIGINALLY WRITTEN: OCTOBER 2, 2018

By: Anne Noah

The power of a child, the wealth of potential, the depth of their unfolding journey. When I see a child, I am fascinated by all the possibilities.

Children ought to be surrounded by all the resources needed to enrich their journey to becoming the great men and women they were created to be. It is of utmost importance that we do not interrupt this journey by repeating counterproductive patterns imposed on us by our parents with the next generation.

It’s obvious by now that I’m not an evil maniac trying to raise an army of insensitive parents. Below is a compilation of points gathered from conversations with young adults who struggled with school based on mistakes made by their parents. These are mistakes any parent could easily make, I hope that you can read through this list and identify the habits you need to do away with and the ones which will improve your child’s educational experience but most importantly, your relationship.

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men- Frederick Douglass

In a world where everything seems to be designed to distract them and deter their educational experience, my simple plea is- don’t contribute to it. Don’t interrupt their journey.

Below is an easy guide on the steps to take to ruin your child’s educational experience (just for clarity’s sake people, this is a list of what NOT to do okay? okay. Good talk)

1. Don’t read books around your kids:

Research indicates that the more words a child is exposed to as an infant, the larger their vocabulary will be at age three. A love of reading is the most important thing a child could acquire in the course of their education.

What you do will highly influence what your child does. If you spend all your time on TV or your phone, that’s what they will want to do. On the other hand, if you read for pleasure, it establishes the notion that reading is fun. In the words of the lovely Kate Dicamillo, “Reading should not be presented to kids as a chore, a duty. It should be offered as a gift”. There’s no easier way to teach a child something than to do it yourself. Here’s a link to help awaken, or reawaken, your child to the joy of reading.

2. Use a stereotypical sheet for all kids:

Children differ in infinite ways, they have different talents, interests, develop at different rates and have different strengths. You certainly don’t aim to hurt your child, but comparing your child with others does more harm than good and is a quick way to lay the foundation for an inferiority complex. This comparison affects your child’s confidence and robs you of the opportunity to truly understand your child and discover their strengths.

If every snowflake that falls has its own design, and if every grain of sand at the seashore is unique, it makes no sense to suppose that children are assembly-line products stamped out by the same giant cookie cutter.

3. Wait till the end of the term to check on their progress:

Intentional parenting requires that you check in on your kids and establish a culture of discussing difficulties. Every parent wants a special child, a child that is able to do some certain things better than the average child. Contrarily most parents are not open to the idea of a special weakness, to the possibility of a slow start or a lower affinity for working with numbers, or letters.

Don’t wait till the end of the term to discover that your child is struggling with a certain subject. It is important to nurture your child and pay close attention to their weaknesses in order to transform them into strengths and make their educational experience more enjoyable.

4. Drown your child in lessons after school.

Parents want to raise successful young adults but most times at the expense of their long-term happiness.

Its fine, I know, you only want what’s best for them. There’s so much I can say about this but the article I’m about to share with you would say so much more. Here’s a link to an article titled “If you want a child prodigy, crack up the whip early, but for long-term success, parents should back off”. Yeah I know, sounds amazing. I’d probably read it again after publishing this article because it was that amazing. From sports to education and even music. It’s an all-you-can-eat buffet of reasons to relax and let these children be.

5. Don’t prepare them to deal with failure:

Certainly helping each child feel good about him or herself can go a long way toward steering children in a more positive direction.

Practically speaking, parents can either build or break the confidence and self-esteem of their child. Build your child’s confidence, teach them independence, explain to them the importance of failing forward. Make them understand that “If you never fail then you aren’t trying anything new”.

Quit trying to raise your children to be perfect and teach them about the importance of dealing with failure gracefully. This will, in turn, teach them to be more tolerable of people and situations when things don’t go their way but most importantly it will teach them to not be too hard on themselves and always seek for better ways to learn. This way they will be more interested in learning rather than doing so only because “you paid the fees so they have to”.

6. Don’t commend their efforts:

Constantly complaining about your child’s mistakes can either push your child to become a crazy perfectionist or to become a nonchalant bum. Sometimes if a child’s talents or achievements are constantly ignored, then they may not even bother pleasing their parents anymore.

Always practice kindness with your child.

Remember that you will one day be sending this child to the world outside, would you be friends with your child? Are you raising someone who is kind, empathetic, patient? Or are you raising just another bully who needs everything perfect or else they throw a fit?

7. Don’t encourage sports or exercise:

Physical education and sport have an educational impact, it challenges children to thrive physically and mentally. Sports teaches them to take shots- to fail and try again, it teaches them important values; such as patience, leadership and the importance of hard work. These values translate not just in school but in all aspects of life.

It also gives children time to interact with other kids and learn important social skills such as working cooperatively with others and showing good sportsmanship.

8. Give no room for expression:

Challenge yourself to have open conversations with your child, try your best to truly understand your child. Let your child learn how to have a healthy dialogue from you. You don’t always have to agree but let them feel like their opinion matters because, in the end, it really does.

9. Chill out… and then freeze:

It’s very to tempting to be the cool parent who never really makes a fuss about anything and just lets the kids do whatever they want. I mean, that’s what every kid wants so you would definitely be the favourite parent. But kids who aren’t guided by their parents end up turning to their peers for guidance and influence; oftentimes, their peers are not the best source.

I know, I know, that last heading was extra corny but you get my point don’t you? I truly hope these points have provided you with yet another opportunity to learn, unlearn and relearn a thing or two. I actually hope it haunts you in your sleep until you start to adopt(if you haven’t already) healthier ways of dealing with your little munchkins.

It’s quite difficult to know what’s best for your child. Some children are born more independent than others, while some will need a lot more TLC- tender, loving care. The only way to know what your child needs is to pay attention.

You cannot force-feed greatness into children. Well, you can, but is that what you really want?